Quote:
Originally Posted by summerfields
Mixed states were causing me too much stress, so my pdoc doubled my Lamictal dose. My mind was quieter within 48 hours. It's so quiet, in fact, that I feel fairly depressed. But even more strange than the depression feelings is this:
I have a bottomless well of fear because the mania is gone. It feels like a large part of my brain has been sucked away. My mind is so still that there's a void...a black hole of "blank." Last night while lying in bed and trying to fall asleep I was acutely aware of the "void" - the absence of my "normal reality." My awareness of it caused me to be close to panic.
I'm wondering if others know what I mean...have experienced that blank, black, bottomless well of nothing. Should I call my pdoc (she keeps urging me to notify her if I experience what feel like unusual side effects) or should I wait this out and see what happens over the week-end? For those who know what I mean, what did you do?
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I think I know what you mean, summerfields, but I wouldn't panic about it. Definitely if it is highly uncomfortable, do let you doctor know what you are experiencing. It's very possible your doctor will suggest you wait a few days, but you need not wait those days before contacting her. Many times there is a brief adjustment period when medication doses are tweaked. A big increase can certainly be a shock, initially.
I haven't felt such a feeling in a very long time.
I do know what it's like to grieve the loss of hypomania. [I do not grieve the loss of mania!] You may have heard or read the term "new normal". That's something many of us have to adjust to, especially those who have had prolonged periods of hypomania/mania in life. In the beginning, it seems like a major drag, but over time it can become very appealing. Being stable has a certain grounding effect that I've learned to appreciate. I think, however, that the feeling you describe today is not stability, but a mental dampening, or similar. Again, the cloud generally does lift. If it doesn't, then your doctor can make some changes so it does. My mother always taught me "Patience is a virtue." I used to hate when she said that, but sometimes it really pays off.