Today has been a better day so far. I took exra trazadone to sleep last night. My psych nurse was ok with the increase. But she was hesitant. That really irritates me because when I met with her on Wed she said she had no problem raising my trazadone as I come off the diazepam. Medicaid just sucks! You get wishy washy providers. Ugh!

I decrease my diazepam to 2 mgs tonight. I will be on that for 3 weeks. Then 1 mgs for 3 weeks then off. I hope the horror stories aren't true. If you go to benzo buddies or other websites about coming off 1 mgs of diazepam it's like he'll for ppl. But I am very strong. I've been through a lot in my life. So far it's been difficult but definitely not the hardest thing I've been through in my life.

Omg! My sister just called and said she will not discuss what happened in my childhood. She's just blocked it out. I'm left here with the peices. She likes me all medicated. She said I was angry before the meds in 2011 when I had that ptsd psychosis. Yeah I was! Now I'm in bad shape. From all the meds that make me like her! I'm sorry that was a huge trigger. I'm crying now. I better get off here....