Your voice has been heard, @Mariehunt. I'm so sorry you have to deal with ALL of this You seem like a REALLY strong person and I admire you A LOT for that. Please hang in there. i understand how hard things must be for you but please NEVER give up hope. I'm not sure if you're seeing a therapist right now. Perhaps you can give that a try if you want and if you can afford it. Just some thoughts for you. You and your family will be in my Thoughts and Prayers. I know it isn't much but hopefully things will get better soon for you. Keep trying any Meds that may help you. Do NOT give up. Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if that helps a little bit. I'm sure others will gladly help you as well. Just keep fighting and I'm sure you'll get through this one step at the time. Allow yourself time to breathe and take baby steps. That's the most important thing. Please stay safe, my dear, sweet friend, and take GREAT care of yourself. Feel free to PM me anytime as my inbox is ALWAYS open. THAT'S A PROMISE! Please take GREAT care of yourself and rest assured that you'll find PLENTY of support here! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your kids, Mariehunt! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING! I am SO SORRY for your tragic loss!