You didn't give up the right to be a parent ,in the eyes of the law you made the best choice at the time .
In human terms you are a parent always.

It's not a question of a backbone ,your re exeperiencing a point of hardship and loss, thats painfull coupled with anxiety of hoping for a better relationship .

Absolutely you can friend me ,i am always somewhere on the net (I don't have a life LOL, actually I am retired due to health from the fire service) so I spend lots of time online . I am here if you need me ,i am 51 living in PA (Yeah I know who retires and lives in Pa,I ask myself that everday?).