Just friended you.

Being an adopted kid has its hairy chunks, and I have to believe that being any parent in that relationship (bio, or adoptive) does as well.

Odd how similar our situations are in some ways. My bio-mom also had an older child -- my oldest sister, Teri. She fell pregnant with T when she was 17, at a time and place when that was definite *****-Of-Babylon stuff, in a tiny farming community in the MidWest. Bio-mom was one of eight kids in a middle-class Catholic family -- and her oldest sister was already married and gone. Her mama, My Grandma Lane, was an invalid more-or-less. So bio-mom caught 60 kinds of homemade Hell. She told me some while ago "When I was pregnant with T, all I did was sit in my room and puke, cry, and sew". It must have been misery for her!

She managed; she got a job and a couple of roomates and T was the pet of all of them. When T was 4 or 5, bio-mom (I'm gonna call her D, her first initial) D met my bio-father. He was from out of state, a veteran, and going to University on the GI Bill. (as well as working). They got engaged and were saving to buy a house. He was fine with Teri -- but emphatically did NOT want any more children. When D told him she was pregnant, he went home to his parents for a week -- and then came back and said forget it. Cleaned out their savings account and split.

She had to quit work because her back wouldn't let her stand (she was a waitress and fry cook at a diner). Tough times. And Social Services showed up and said"You cannot keep this baby -- if you try, we'll take them both."

Teri threw a true conniption fit. She is the one who has told me most of this story, corroborated by others.

Private adoption was arranged, and 5 days after I was born, my new parents brought me home. They were amazing people. But some adopted kids seem to feel some sort of disconnect -- and I was one who did. I was tall, skinny, blonde, blue-eyed, my mother was mid-height, dark haired, dark-brown eyes, broad-beamed and solidly built. My Daddy was her same height, slight, dark-haired, grey eyes. I would look in the mirror and do a kid-version of" WTF-eyes". .
ALways knew I was adopted. My parents went on to adopt additional children and to become a licensed foster family as well. But when I needed my medical records bc of serious/life-threatening illness, Mother & Daddy got all the papers out of their safe deposit box and said, "Bless you child, go for it." I was UTTERLY shocked to find out that I had an older sibling. The first, and totally unworthy, reaction, was: "Oh! I See! You kept her, huh? NIIIICE!"

D has had miserable luck with men. And yes I got over myself.

xo,

Chyia