Thanks so much...i guess it just sucks to have depression...and it sucks even more to lose friends becuase of who you become when you're suffering really badly with this horrible illness. I know i am at my worst..in terms of being over the top and miserable and most probably a burden on my friends when my depression is peaking at a very very low point...I cling onto my friends because all i want is to feel loved...and i forget that they already do love me for who i am...i get to a point where i just can't believe that any friend would want to accosicate with me...let alone love me....and i ask for their reassurance over and over again until they are at a loss as to how to prove it to me....and frustrated that i just don't believe them...when it's probably offending them at the same time..one friend once said to me...do you want me to tattoo...IM YOUR FRIEND AND I LOVE YOU..on my forehead...and it made me realise how irrational it all really is..but at the time..i just don't seem to have the insight when things are really at their worst...i was talking to my friend today and telling him how i had a really bad nite because i just didn't believe all the positive things i was telling mysef..and started telling myself i must be gradiose and delusional...becuase obviously i lost my friend because i am a worthless human being...not worth to have as a friend...and my friend told me that he has never met anyone so mean...and i said, but im not a mean person...and he made me see how horrible i am to myself....which is quite sad because i wouldn't ever tolerate anyone else ever being so nasty or saying the things i say about myself....i am my own worst enemy...i think im rambling now..i want to be loved...and that is selfish..but more than anything i want to be a good friend.....and it hurts tremendously that im failing at the one thing I want to do right.