(((katydid))), from what you have shared is how hard you tried before you got to a point where taking care of your daughter's needs was something you could not keep up with. You ended up giving her up out of love for her, it was not a case of abandonment.

When it comes to an adopted child meeting their birth mother, there is fear in both. The child fears experiencing rejection. And the birth mother often fears the same thing. A relief for the child is to learn they were given up out of love and that the birth mother really could not take care of this child's needs and that there was never any kind of rejection or abandonment. Yet, the birth mother often can feel shame and I think that is what you experience.

The focus should be on how you gave her up out of love and she needs to know it was not due to you not loving her. You always wanted her loved and cared for and to be healthy and happy.