I'm reading Gottmans stuff on the four horsemen. I know I stonewall.

My wife has a topic that angers her, which is we (she) had little contact from my family during a prolonged illness. We've been on this topic, literally, for two years. I've spoken to them, and so has she. Her anger at them comes out at me about once a month, and she gets very derogatory in her language with me. At some point I say, "I can't do this. I can't hear this stuff said about me anymore. I'm walking away. "

I will then refuse to speak about that topic. The next it comes up, her anger flares, and I back out of it. I've begun marking the time, and after an hour I'll make a move to leave.

She's not going to change this. But I have my.limits.

Ideas?