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Originally Posted by 502041
I feel like I sometimes I am so disconnected from people or there is something missing. I watch groups of friends or family members bond and feel connected and I just don't get it.
My social skills are still developing and sometimes i find conversation hard or prolonged engagement hard, but i think that is in part because i am introvert and also because I am still building up that social muscle of actually engaging with people, after spending decades of avoiding people in general. This being said I still feel like there is a glass barrier between me and friends. At times during my last relationship I would sometimes feel nothing and confused about if I loved or even liked them. I would kiss them passionately then think to myself I felt nothing. I know this isn't true because I had a lot of love for that person, but I know the disconnect along with a lot of my other MH issues and their own stuff led us to break up.
I feel like this is stopping me from feeling connected to people and I don't know what that is or how that feels and often feel overwhelmed from people. I also think I could disappear from these peoples lives and it would mean nothing to them.
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I understand the feeling. I was a big introvert as a child/teen. I was also raised in a religious sect that isolated me from others and made it difficult to relate to others and form friendships. As I've grown older, I've been able to fine-tune my social skills so that I get along with most people and can talk casually and even deeply on some personal topics with people. With time and practice, it will become better. However, there is always that lingering glass because you don't ever want to let people in. Friendships grow because you share things you like or don't like. It was hard at first. Being a bit non-emotional and very guarded, forming lasting friendships was difficult and sometimes seemed like a chore. But you'll get there.