Hi Skeezyks

Thanks so much for your response. And for the links - which I am clicking on as we speak - they are very helpful.

The situation I was in back home was a tricky one in that it was with my mother - who has a lot of mental health issues of her own which she does not seek counselling for - and I was in a vulnerable position and gave into her to 'save the peace'. She basically moved in to my home when I left the ex and she refused to leave, always starting panic attacks and I was very scared of what she would do to herself (not harm herself, just emotionally and mentally) so in effect, I believe, a lot of what happened stemmed from a boundary issue on my part. As I left so drastically, she had no choice but to move into her own place (which she has done) and there is no intention of her moving out. So if I return home, the first thing to set in place is the expectation of never having the option of moving in with me again. If all I got from this move was the opportunity to 'cut the cord' with my mother, I think that's a pretty successful opportunity as she had me by the b*lls, so to speak., and it also highlighted what I really want in my life - a home with my children.

I spoke to my son last night - just one of our regular catch-ups - and he was joking around about a party the whole year was invited to after their year 10 formal in December and apparently, the parents of the child who is hosting this party are regular users of cannabis and I gave him a huge talking to about the risks of drugs, alcohol and while he's a mature and sensible kid, he's also a teen and that really stood out to me - he is living away from both his parents, with family who are guardians but essentially, are not his parents and it freaked me out, to be honest. He needs a strong role model and I know sometimes that's not a parent but it has always been like that with us. He talks to me about everything (and sometimes over shares) and I have always been the constant parent in both my kid's lives. Before I separated from their father, I was always on my own with the 2 kids as he used to go away for work for weeks on end - he was never the father they needed - and they have always come to me for their success, failures and when they need anything at all. I know I can still be there for my son no matter where I am but it just doesn't feel right - something is niggling away at me about this. He needs to be parented.

Anyway, thanks again for providing those links, and for taking the time to respond