have some good news. i haven't talked to my kids in a year and a half, they went with grand parents when i had a break down. i've had a hard time getting a hold of them so finally i did about two weeeks ago and was waiting for a call back from the kids when they were ready to talk to me and today i got a call from my oldest daughter. i was her birthday yesterday. i'm sooo happy to finally talk to her. she's trying to understand what happened and that feels awesome. she knows that i'm getting help but she too wants to take this slow and understands that i need to get better in order for me to take care of them well. it's great news for me adn encouraging too. it also feels great to be able to share this. i am greatful for all of you's here, even the ones that don't respond...lol. positive or negative, sharing is good