Hello everyone,
I just joined today—so I’m a newbie!
You can probably guess why I’m here—depression. I have lived with my depression for a long time now. I have been able to keep it under control and hidden from my family and friends. I don’t want them to know because they just wouldn’t understand. I have on occasion tried to talk to them—but every time it is just written off as me being in a bad mood and I need to get over it. I have tried really hard too; I just can’t escape myself I guess. This last year has been really hard for me though. I am a senior in college and been finding that I just keep slipping into a deeper depression and self-hatred. I have always tried really hard to do well in school and be like my friends. This last year my grades have been slipping because I just don’t seem to care anymore. I know it is all my fault and I need to do something about it. It is just I have a breakdown every time I become stressed. I hate this feeling so much. I know this is wrong but I have found that cutting relieves my stress and pain. I hate that I do it and feel remorse every time—but it makes me feel so much better. It just seems that I am going in circles by this cycle—but I have tried to pretend to be okay and nothing was wrong with me—but I just end up hating myself more and wishing I would die. I hate this.