I hope your appointment with your T goes well today. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It takes as long as it takes. I am lucky that I still have both of my parents but I lost my last living grandparent last year. It's still hard. It sounds like things aren't great with your boyfriend. I'm sure you love him but does he love you? I'm not great with boyfriend advice because I haven't dated much but I just think life is too short to not be with someone who treats you well.