No wonder I feel low all the time. All my life has been just studying. For what? Nothing. Just to end up pathetic and self-pitying loser. If I knew this is how my life would turn out to be, I wouldn't have studied and wasted time and money for nothing. These resources could have been given to someone else who is more fit to live and contribute to society.

Funny how I was thinking I would be happy when I finish school and I will have a family and a lead a normal life with a stable job, a house and car ... etc. All was just a mirage, and illusion I will never reach.

My only option now is just to accept my fate and live in peace with it. Trying to change it is not working. It's not for me this life. My mind isn't wired to live with people. I probably would have been happy as hermit or as a monk, but now that I am no longer a believer, this isn't an option either.