We discussed kids, but never on when. She has this list of things she wants in life and in what order. Right now she has completed the steps on HER list leading up to kids. However she hasn’t taken into consideration the debt she owes on credit cards, student loans, and social security. Off the top of my head I think it’s well over 50k in debt in total. But she sees food stamps and WIC as a answer to this. Which I support those services offered by the government for those that NEED them. Not for someone who sees them as a asset to speed up the there conception date though.

I don’t know if she’s intentionally doing this or not. But I have the habit of putting other people’s wants before my own. I’m a textbook people pleaser. I’ll go great lengths to make others happy even if it means forgoing my own happiness. So I’m not sure if she is using this to her advantage or not. Because every time I tell her what I want or how I feel. She’ll flip it around, make me the bad guy, try to convince me, or “compromise” as she puts it. But I don’t think there’s such a thing as a compromise when it comes to wanting a kid. You’re either ready or not, want them or don’t. So her trying to come up with these compromises. Like only having unprotected sex when she’s ovulating I believe is a attempt to compromise.

I’ve made an appointment with a therapist so I can talk about this. But unfortunately that’s not until later in August. He’s probably going to tell me what my past therapist have told me. Which is to end the relationship. I’m not looking forward to the conversations too come with my wife. I’m sure she’ll call me cruel for leading her on, start crying, making me feel like the bad guy. But honestly someone has to think logically in this relationship.