Thanks @NP_Complete.

He's doing things like:
a) Insisting that I contact him before calling in sick to work, and then doing his damndest to talk me out of calling in sick. Like, yesterday I texted him at 7am saying I didn't think I could work and he called me and twisted my arm into going. His argument is that staying home in bed makes things worse, and he's right (some DBT Opposite Action crap). But my argument is that it feels like I can't. And furthermore I don't want to go to work and expose people to a crappy depressed doctor.

b) He also insists that I call him before engaging in SH. I signed a thing at the beginning of treatment saying that I wouldn't SH but at the time I had no other options for therapy so it didn't feel like a real choice. And he says that if I do start to SH again (I haven't for >1y at this point) he won't be able to treat me anymore.

He's also been very paternal lately, by his own admission--he worries about the guys I date (I've been meeting guys on an app called Coffee Meets Bagel, but I always meet them in a public place and it's not like I'm taking them home on the first date or anything) and how much alcohol I drink (0-6 drinks per week). It's sort of sweet and does make me feel cared for but also he's a worrywart and I'm a freaking grown-up.

I do appreciate how much time and energy he's putting in to our therapeutic relationship--I've had therapists who would never ever tolerate (much less insist upon) this much outside contact--but also I feel terrible and self-destructive and just want to skip work and SH and let myself slip away into oblivion.