It's him wanting me to go about my regular routine (i.e. not calling in sick to work) and also being really stubborn about me not engaging in SH (he says he won't treat me anymore if I do).

I do have some vacation time at the end of August. So that's good. But tbh the not wanting to go about my regular routine isn't just the usual exhausting and "residency is overwhelming" problem, it's also that I feel self-destructive and want to do the things that are worst for me.

One thing that feels really weird about this is that I don't know why he has the ability to talk me into stuff like going to work. Like, why do I let him do that? I'm usually the sort of person who stands her ground. Though... my relationship with T feels a bit like my relationship with my parents, and I was always very obedient with them. That's sort of humiliating.