Riptide,
I have been meaning to reply to this post for awhile.

Does your T get angry at you for having negative transferance?

Mine gets angry at me for "acting out" and lets me know. I don't know if it will help, but this is what I've learned from it. I am close to intolerant of dealing with other people's anger because I feel my feelings of anger intensely and project that onto others. Because of this it brings up feelings of abandonment because it felt like he abandoned me while he was angry. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's true.

Isn't she supposed to be taking whatever I am doing that makes her angry and mold it and spit it back out so it is helpful and not hurtful?

I've thought of this, too. I think it's called object relations. When I was trying to get my T to apologize for telling me he was angry (which failed miserably, lol) it felt like I was giving him this object and he kept throwing it back at me in a more intese form. It felt like a tennis match. I wanted to ask him to hold this object until further notice but I guess all of his shelves were full

I would think that instead of telling me how mad she is at me for beating her up and rejecting her, that she should help me see who I am really angry at ........

Have you told her this, or do you think she will get angry at you for telling her what to do? It is so difficult worrying about T's reactions when you are trying to understand yourself. I worry about hurting my T because he is so kind and caring but that's how I feel at the moment and my feelings are subject to change without notice.