Thanks Bill. I had a really good session with T last night. We talked a lot about a lot of things. She helped me with some hallucinations. We talked about the SH and I feel better about it now. I can't totally stop thinking about it. She told me to think of it the reverse way, not what I'm giving up, but what I'm gaining. And when I think of wanting to hurt myself, to think of things to calm myself or soothe myself instead. Self-care. We talked about some ways to do that. We talked about some anger that I must be having towards others but I take out on myself. That I treat everyone kind and with compassion except myself. That I need to take as good of care of myself as I do my kitties. A lot of this resonated with me. So she gave me some ideas to try and I'm going to work on them. In the meantime, I might keep drawing those x's because it's really soothing!