Dear Ex Therapist -

Every time I fight with a family member lately, my default is to blame myself. (If I could manage to fail at therapy, I must be truly broken and damaged.) Sometimes I can radically accept and be okay with the fact that I could be a bad person - other times the self-loathing is unbearable.

I can’t figure out how to get your ‘therapist voice’ out of my psyche. The voice that judges and dismisses and wounds. The voice that overrides all the positive words ever spoken to me. The voice that makes me feel small and dirty. Damaged doesn’t begin to describe what happened with you.

I want to move on, but how do I undo what you did without you? The only solution is keep working... alone.

I miss you and I don’t know why. Your face is fading from my memory and you’re not a person to me anymore. You’re pain and rejection.