I don't have a lot of insight to offer you, @TRNRMOM, but I've just wanted to let you know that I'm hearing you and that I COMPLETELY understasnd your fears!! I'M SO VERY HAPPY that you have a Support System IRL! I COMPLETELY agree with @MobiusPsyche and @summerfields about getting therapy if you aren't already as that may be REALLY helpful to help you cope. Other than that I'm here to offer you ALL the Advice and Support that you may need! Please feel free to PM me ANYTIME! I'm sure PLENYT of others will be glad to help you out! Please NEVER give up Hope as there's ALWAYS Hope for a brighter future! I'm REALLY happy that you're being supported right now! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, your Family, your Friends, your Loved Ones and ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for WHO YOU TRULY ARE!!