Even though I havent missed a session, the easter wkend put a bigger gap between seeing T. My normal days were changed. I went back to T today and told her that though I haven't missed any sesssions, the distance between them seems to be the problem, and no matter if I saw T everyday there would still be an issue at some point.

T agreed and said, yes if you saw my 7 days a week it would be the part of the day you didn't see me that would be the issue.

I asked why? T said I think its because of your sudden disappearence of your first mother, and the shocking way you were eventually made aware of this, and plus also your adoptive mother never really claiming you, not making you hers.

I thought about that then said, but you can't claim me either. T said, why not? I think I have, if I hadn't then the times you say you are quiting, I would just say, ok then, she said you have claimed a part of me and I have claimed a part of you.

I had to sit and think some more. I then said, well I dont believe you and think you are only saying that, just because you have too. No sooner had I said that, then my own mind challenged that. Then T said, but you still come, so there must be some truth in it??

I said, ok, its hard when your thinking is challenged, its like your reject the truth for a while, but yeah I know underneath that this is true, but then I said, why are you going away on holiday in 2 weeks? if you had claimed me you wouldnt leave me, and I added, I know this is irrational what I am saying now, and T said, its rational to the part it is coming from, and then she added, when you had your son and went back to work afterwards, were you forgetting him? I knew she had me then, I smiled and said, no we still continued