CONGRATULATIONS! I'm REALLY HAPPY that you were able to get to this point, @randomer123! Now that you know what the problem is, you can start working on it! That's quite an accomplishment! Be proud of yourself! Hopefully you'll be able to change this way of thinking. Is it possible for you to buy some books one the subject? Perhaps there are some that may help you. Please keep posting as this seems to REALLY help you with this insight and I couldn't be happier to hear that! Keep fighting as there's a brighter future ahead of you, i'm sure of that! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, randomer123! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING!