Around my early twenties (I'm 29 now) I discovered I had a great deal of control over my emotions. During the time I was (and still am) experience a moderate stress about my studies (I was performing worse than others, while working harder or equally hard, but I was under no financial stress). But just by straightening my back and breething in deeply I could feel happy / elated and the stress would go away.
From the ages 26 to 27 I went to another city to continue my studies, and those failed horribly. I also fell into social isolation, and lied to my family about my wellbeing and study progress. I'm fairly confident that I was clinically depressed, although I didn't seek help or get myself daignosed (Cause who'd do that when they're depressed). I seriously considerated (I was making plans for it) suicide during this period.
Things went a lot better when I moved back to Amsterdam and took my studies in another direction (Now I'm studying to become a physics highschool teacher, a prospect I'm very excited about). I firmly decided never to commit suicide, and I feel confident that I'll stick to that. Even though I still experience the urge from time to time.
My studies still give me a fair amount of stress, and I wouldn't be able to deal with it without the help of my elder sister (love her to bits), and the fact that I'm close to finishing them.
I'm going to seek professional help when I'm done with my studies and have a stable job. I'm stalling for a bit, cause I don't really want to confront all my inner demons and all. But I also honestly think that it'll be good to start treatment when I'm done with the nightmare that's my studies. I want to be able to seperate my own issues, with the crap my studies are giving me.

Now back to the controling my emotions skill. I've been down quiet a lot lately, and need to use the skill to get out of that. It still works (albeit with reduced efficiency), but aside from feeling elated, I also feel evil. I know that's irrational, I'm not hurting anyone nor do I have the desire to. But I do feel like I could hurt people when I do that and not feel any remorse for it. I think I feel like the insane evil villains from bad movies. I don't think this is my biggest psychological concern, but it's the only one I really don't understand.

I'm hoping to find people to talk to my issues here until I seek professional help. I've got loving caring family that would want to know all of this. But they're dealing with their own concerns, and I don't want to open up like this to them either. I also got a good friend who'd listen to all of this, and has shared his own issues with anxiety, and I've confided in him with others things I've dealt/struggled with. And I just decided that I should talk with him about this as well. Don't know if I will, but I should.

I wasn't certain if I should have given a trigger warning for the suiciadal desires, I appologize if I've upset anyone. I'm new to the site and don't know the ettiquete around here just yet.