Felt like **** this morning and all day. I woke up extremely irritable, which revolves into depression fairly quickly. Just no motivation to do anything. I did go to work so that’s good. I wanted to go back to bed. Then when I got home I wanted to lay in bed and let the world past me by, but I heard my therapist’s voice in my head chanting “opposite action, opposite action” so I went to the gym. I only rode the bike for twenty minutes instead of thirty, but it was something. And it did lift my mood a little.

Tomorrow my girl will not be at school so I will NOT be motivated to go in. But I need to save my personal and sick days for the regular school year if I don’t get the teaching job. Some days I just need a mental break, others my son is sick, etcetera etcetera. So I will go in no matter what shape I’m in in the morning.

RS didn’t get home until 9:30 last night and I was pining after him all night. It’s pathetic really, how attached I’ve become. Not good for me at all. But at least I don’t depend on him to handle my mental health. No, I look to him for comfort at times but I don’t expect him to fix everything. So that’s good I guess.

No motivation to cook dinner tonight but I have no money to go out. If RS is taking his friend to look at a truck, I will make Mac n cheese for me and my son. If he’s coming home I will make hamburgers, as RS is strange and does not like cheese not sure what to do for dinner tomorrow though. We usually go out but I don’t have the money to so unless RS pays again we can’t. And I don’t like making him pay two times ina row.