I say "I feel suicidal." They say "call if it gets worse." I think "If it gets worse I'll be dead."

I say "my dreams are keeping me up at night." They say "call back if they wake you up." I say "that's what I just said." She says "well call back if it gets worse."

I come into an appointment angry because my doctor is a moron. She instantly says I'm manic because I couldn't possibly have a reason for believing that.

I say I'm overmedicated, my labs say the same thing, and she says I'm in a depressive episode. Because there's no such thing as too much Depakote, Zyprexa, Invega, and Propanolol.

....