Hello yalebie: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. 
I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't suggest anything in the way of a diagnosis. However one thing that occurs to me reading your post is the concept of existential depression. Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject:
What is Existential Depression?
Existential Despair: A Deeper Cause of Human Anxiety
15 Existential Questions that Could Improve Mental Health | NLP Discoveries
I hope you find PC to be of benefit. 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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