Hello chrplpl: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. And thank you for bringing your concern here to PC.

Unfortunately I don't know as there is a lot I can say with regard to your situation. Your parents are who they are. And they've had many years to become the people they are. You are still young & really just getting started in life. You can't change them. So sooner or later, it seems to me, you're going to have to make a choice. Either live your own life or continue being a "cash cow" for your parents.

Yes each of these options comes with both plusses & minuses. That's the way most things are in life. There don't tend to be a lot of situations where everything is clearly all positive... or all negative either for that matter. And, yes, whichever way you choose you will likely have regrets. And you'll have to live with them. That's simply the way life is... or at least it's the way I see it.

Here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help in putting your situation into perspective:

You Can Only Change Yourself

Stop Trying to Change People Who Don't Want to Change | Happily Imperfect

Rescuing, Resenting, and Regretting: A Codependent Pattern | Happily Imperfect

The Link Between Childhood Emotional Neglect and Codependency | Happily Imperfect

Detaching and Other Ways for Codependents to Reduce Anxiety and Stress | Happily Imperfect

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...toxic-parents/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.