Hi everyone ,
I am new to this site
I have depression and borderline personality disorder I am a people pleaser I also have abandonment fears aswell ,
I have been with my partner almost 10 months ,over the past 5 months it has gone from name calling like dumb c.... , to physical hurt ,
Possible trigger:
he punches me , spits on me , throws things at me and destroys my stuff , he has threatened to kill me and ruin my life if I tell anyone ,
The other day we were arguing he was driving he locked doors , punched continuously and was speeding was so so scary , when we got home he was so sorry was crying then within 10 mins he was saying he has never been like this , it's because of me he did that , 3 days ago he round kickedme just below my ribs it still hurts to touch like a stitch I thought I was going to die I couldn't breathe my two little girls came running were screaming .
Today because I didnt buy him a pie he threw stuff round room again ,called ugly , a c.... , spat in my face and yelled he didnt hurt me physically .
He hates that I cry all the time but I just feel worthkess , ugly and no good I have lost who I am , a year and a half ago I lost my partner my best friend he sadly couldn't cope and took his own life, I grew from that and got stronger was driven to make everyday count to keep my head up and live and make him proud .
Now I am utterly broken , isn't talk to anyone because beknows a few people who are nit the best ( I have never met them nor do I ever want to very scary )
He has threatened to kill me , someone will get me , he will ruin myl ife .
How do I goon like this I am so lost I love him and so do my kids, but I am scared the next time he hits me itwill be the last or severely injure me .
I cry everyday I sleep all day .
Can anyone offer some support , encouragement anything I feel so alone .
Thank you xo