Thanks, I've got to this point and now I feel stuck. I don't know of any books, I've tried looking around articles online but there's nothing that matches what I am feeling. I will keep looking, and thinking and writing. Sometimes I feel like the only way is to force myself to do things, ignoring the nervousness. Nothing bad will happen anyway, I know that, but it's like something inside locks up and wont let me do it.

The current obsession is something I can't buy, so I can't use that really. I feel like I'll have to wait for something else to come up, something that I should be able to just go into a shop and buy (like the first obsession was). But I could be waiting forever. I can't really talk about it to anyone because it's so ridiculous, it's not the sort of thing I can just start a conversation about. There's also still a bit of shame/guilt because I know I shouldn't like/want them/one.

Thanks I will read those. I did read something about "exposure therapy" but it was more for phobias. This seems to be something different.

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Also I've been thinking, it probably wasn't just what my mum said. There was probably things from teachers, other kids at school (not just the bullies, but maybe things others said or did). I don't think I can remember everything and uproot everything but if I can analyse some things (that I do remember) and then try to neutralise the feeling around them, that should work, or at least help.

And if the subject of this obsession object ever comes up again in conversation (as it has once before) I will talk about it. But I need to be careful not to go too far and give any hint that I like them (or want one).