A lot of what I am hearing is just a certain style of therapy that your T may be trained in. I adore my T and he does very well with me. He is extremely empathetic and nurturing. He is big on clients not feeling shame and especially not feeling shamed by him. I told him about an experience with an employer where there was a huge power imbalance and a lot of lies and manipulation. T immediately asked “but it was consensual RIGHT?” And in the moment it totally felt like blame and my mind was filled with all kinds of hateful thoughts/feelings about myself. In my typical style I looked him square on, not showing what was going on in my head and said “yes, I consented to a relationship with a married man”... then T just dropped it, like he got his confession that I was a bad person and he could go on. In reality T didn’t want to get into details that session (we were running out of time) if he didn’t have to BUT if it hadn’t been consensual then he would have taken time to make sure I was OK.

Sometimes in making space to hear the experience from our perspective T’s come off as insensitive even if they are anything but. So I would talk to T about it and what kind of response might feel more accepting/supportive.