Have not slept one second all night long.

I'm now trying some relaxing videos on YouTube . . . the ones where you hear rain while you look at trees in a forest, or watch and hear waves on a beach.

That stuff is all well and good . . . but I just swallowed two Vicodin, as I expect chemical soothing will work more reliably quicker than imagery.

Not having a normal circadian rhythm has ruined my life.

And my s.o. has an inner clock that keeps perfect time . . . and he expects me to stay in sync with him. Someday I'll know the joy of living alone again. I'll do everything at my own pace.

I'll not turn the TV on for 3 consecutive days just because the quiet sounds nicer. I'll eat breakfast at 2 a.m. just because I get a yen for some French toast at that hour. I'll go for a drive at 5 a.m. and watch the sun rise somewhere scenic.

I miss the 3 places where I used to live alone - tiny rented places in three different cities. Didn't have much. I loved them for what they kept out, rather than for what they contained. I loved being free from intrusion.

I think I'll stay in the bedroom all day today. He doesn't like coming in here, but sleeps in his recliner. Good. Stay out there. I have to catch up on my quota of solitude. Being with someone constantly is soul-killing for me.