I think my CPTSD is getting to me.
I have a trigger whom I live with (my husband).
Often, he is the one who brings up the certain times or subjects and wants to dwell more on them. There are things Ive never discussed and probably never will, and for him to ask me to go back in my brain and cross analyze me makes me nuts, he knows I have lied to cover certain things. Hes bipolar 2 and goes through manic episodes that trigger these uncomfortable bad conversations. They leave me dissociated if I do deal with them.

I just feel myself slipping into a deep depression lately. I want to sleep alot. I have no clue what I like to do or a sense of who I am, besides being the title "mom". If I want to do things out of the norm for me like take the kids for a walk my husband thinks something is up. Crazy accusations, jealousy. But im a stay at home mom, with no friends really, at 24.

We are moving by fall and buying his mothers home, which his brother and Dad are neighbors. I dont like the idea sometimes because I wanted to go elsewhere but financially its the better option.

I day dream and start to miss my "old life" that helped traumatize me. I only hang on for my kids. I hate that I cant move past my past.

I dont know how to make myself feel better anymore, I just feel numb and half here.