Wow! I can relate so much! I didn’t see a spanking on TV until I was around 12, but I remember they’d be mentioned and then it would go off screen. I wanted very much to see one on TV.
When I was a teenager, I occasionally triggered behavior in my little cousin intentionally because I wanted her mom to spank her. I’m not saying this because I’m proud of it only to give you a sense of not feeling alone.
Feel free to reach out to me anytime fir support and encouragement ok?