90, what is your purpose in asking this question? Are you interested in changing something that you're not proud of? Or are you just wanting an excuse? Diagnoses don't cause behavior. They just describe some of it. They don't protect you, or excuse anything. I understand that you get something out of it, or you wouldn't keep living that way, but you also get hurt pretty badly, and that's not good. Are you interested in finding healthier ways to get your needs met?