Hello davidpail: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC.
I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.
One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Partners of People & Caregivers forum. Here's a link:
https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...ivers-support/
You may also want to check out the depression forum:
https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/
I have not been in the situation you are in. So I can't offer anything in the way of advice based on personal experience. Plus I'm not a mental health professional either. That said the difficulty you are having with your son does not strike me as being related to his Asperger's syndrome except in the sense that it has contributed to his isolation. However his refusal to do anything around the home that would be of help, I would think, may perhaps be related to his own depression or possibly just a learned laziness. The only way to know, with any certainty, what's going on with him would I presume be for him to seek mental health treatment for himself. And, based on what you wrote in your post, I would surmise this may be unlikely.
My personal, non-professional opinion is there may be little you can do to have a positive impact on this situation. Your son has become the person he is & little or nothing may change unless or until he decides he wants to make it happen. That said, it seems to me your options may be to simply allow circumstances to continue on as they are or take some action to force your son out of your home & out on his own to face the consequences of the way he is living. Call it "tough love" if you will. But, really, the way things stand now there appears to be no incentive for your son to live any differently than he is living now... no reason to expect there can or will be any significant change.
Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help with putting your situation into perspective. The first 2 articles are by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:
You Can Only Change Yourself
Am I Depressed or Just Lazy?
Stop Trying to Change People Who Don't Want to Change | Happily Imperfect
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...dium=popular17
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...dium=popular17
https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...dium=popular17
https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ar...do-i-get-some/
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...ur-boundaries/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
