I posted yesterday in the PTSD forum and am now reaching out over here. I have been having really rash thoughts when put under any pressure lately. I am indescisive as is, I am conditioned to be a "go with the flow" person. I dont think the grass is greener, I just feel like maybe this is it (Im fully aware Im in a verbal/emotional abused marriage) ( I go through the battered womens cycle with him, read my other posts if interested). This is how all relationships are, all his mom had and same with mine. Ive been going through the motions and have been left feeling half alive, and wanting to completely disappear. My husband works overnights and wont change them, hurt his ankle this week, I got bad news on my father last week (kidney/liver related) but hes been back drinking... I feel like Im carrying the world. Ive been a mom in survival mode for a bit. I dont know how to pull myself out of this hole I feel like Im sinking in and my anxiety is through the roof to the point my meds dont work. I dont feel like I have any control and Im writing with tears. How do I feel better? Im 24 and feel like if this is life, I dont really want to be in it. Ive gone through these feelings of depression and panic attacks and anxiety, my husband doesnt help only gaslights.