I don't know as I really have anything useful to offer with regard to your post. (After all... I'm an old man.) But there were a couple of things you mentioned I could relate to, the primary thing being what you wrote about there being things you've never discussed and probably never will..."

There are things I've never talked about & definitely never will. There is also one thing that did come to light that I still don't talk about. (It's a long story & I'll spare you the details.) The thing is... at least based on my own experience... keeping stuff bottled up over the years (decades really in my instance) is corrosive. Over time it will eat you alive from the inside out. (Sorry if that's a bit graphic, but it's true.) And, at least in my case, its only gotten worse with age.

I think, if it is at all possible, it's important to find someone... probably a therapist (if you don't already have one)... with whom you can talk through all of the experiences you had. Otherwise these sorts of things just continue to consume you. I've never been much on therapy myself. I did just skim the surface with one therapist for a short while. And although I didn't stick with it, while I was doing it, it was such a relief to talk about things I had kept hidden for decades. I often think about going back. But I know I never will.

As far as your husband goes, I think this probably becomes a matter of personal boundaries. So here are links to 5 articles, from PC's archives, on that subject:

The Importance of Personal Boundaries

Why Healthy Relationships Always Have Boundaries & How to Set Boundaries in Yours

5 Boundaries That Actually Bolster Your Bond in Your Marriage

When People Cross Your Boundaries

How to Deal with People Who Repeatedly Violate Your Boundaries | Happily Imperfect

My best wishes to you...