Now that i have had time to think about what i wrote earlier. I hope this post will explain things much better.


7 years ago i started going to this mental health clinic. I got assign a addiction counsellor and it lead to her getting me a pyschologist. I saw him and her every two weeks until i went to hospital 4 years ago. When i got out of hospital i went back to the counsellor and old therapist we all agreed that i needed day program and interacting with others was important to me. We also agreed on weekly apps. I continued up on my therapy and day program things got very messy when my husband had a stroke in April of 2017, The goals of my therapy shifted and there were no discussing it with me. It felt like i was being punished for still getting help. I kept on going to my sessions telling them i was very depressed and it got very messy. There was always talk of me being my own therapist, and when i tried to talk to them it seemed like it went in one ear and out the other ear.


I got sober Nov. 20th 2017 have not had a relapse since. I started going to day program way more actually six months into being away from the alcohol things started to surface pain of my Grandpa death and what abuse he did to me started to come out. My eating disorder got out of hand. I kept telling my pyschologist this every month and he kept telling me to ask for a sponsor at AA and that i needed to rely on myself. This probably kept up for a good year the addiction counsellor dropped me in January of 2018. Saying that AA and day program where enough for me.


January of this year the pyschologist announced to me he was retiring, it's cruical i get a sponsor. My file would be closed at the end of April. I started to cry and tell him listen we have spent too much time on my addiction and not much on my trauma, low self esteem. I went home and wrote him a 2 page letter explaining why i needed more therapy. So i showed up to my session in Feb, no mention of the letter was very cold and just kept mentioning AA sponser. I told him i was extremely scared of using AA for all my support and sponser how can they help me with trauma. I left that session very upset and scared. I got my gp involved and wrote the health minister. Next month March he was willing to keep my file open and seemed happy i stood up for myself. Last session in April was a very upsetting confusing even though I knew i was seeing a female therapist.


From there i have had no issues, but im extremely angry and if i had known to go to my family doctor when it first got messy i sure would of saved allot of heart ache. I just feel so angry, but do not know how to get rid of except to be hard on myself. Even though i have a good therapist now im afraid if i tell her this it may create conflict, same clinic. Though my old t has been gone for 3 months now. I do not want to cause conflict. I just want this night mare of what happened to go away. Sorry this is extremely hard to put into writing from the head. If im not making sense im sorry.