Nxious, when I lived abroad in China, a Buddhist monk once advised me, "you cannot change your past. You can only change your attitude." I'm not one for forgiveness myself as I think it's a total cop out to relinquish my power to the other person who wronged me, that allows the person NOT to be held accountable for their actions. But, I do believe what that Buddhist monk said is true. We can't change our past, no matter what we do. All we can do is develop coping skills in the present to help us process our past in a way that allows us to let go (not forgive!) and move forward. Easier said than done, obviously.

You are an intelligent person. Use whatever tools work best for you -- writing here, venting to someone in person or here, physical exercise, listening to music, watching tv, whatever -- to help you change your attitude (again, not forgive, but change the way you feel about yourself). Does that make sense?