Quote:
Originally Posted by theoretical
I don't think I'm explaining this very well. Let me see if I can make some distinctions.
You maintain healthy boundaries with people because you know that you don't want to emotionally invest in a closer relationship with that person. You state your intentions with them clearly so that they don't invest in something that won't be reciprocated. You say that you don't care about their feelings, but I doubt you'd deliberately form a close personal relationship with them solely for some material gain or information, carelessly trample over their feelings and boundaries, and then simply vanish.
I get close to people or allow them to get close to me because I'm interested in them or interested in something they have, despite knowing that their feelings won't be reciprocated. I treat gestures of friendship or romance rather carelessly because these things don't really mean anything to me. When I'm in a casual conversation with someone, I'm inclined to dig for more personal information because I find it to be more interesting. I have trouble respecting peoples boundaries, to put it mildly.
Now, I could simply avoid people as you've suggested, but that's kinda dull, and I just don't do that. So I'm trying to find some middle ground where I can be open about myself, but also learn to respect people's boundaries to a degree.
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Of course I don’t form close relationships with people and then vanish. Of course not. I simply don’t form close relationships with people if I am not seriously interested in these people.
By not caring about their feelings I don’t I mean I wish them harm, I just can’t possibly befriend everyone or care about everyone’s feelings. I am not interested in people’s personal information unless these are very close to me and they are willingly share. I don’t want to appear callous but I have only that much time and energy to give to others so you could probably say that I really don’t care about everyone’s feelings.
I am not 100% sure about healthy boundaries. People misread me often. Hence they latch on to me against my will.
I do understand your desire for learning boundaries. That makes sense.
I did not suggest to avoid people. I suggested not to worry about close bonds. I know a whole ton of people, I pursue hobbies in groups of people and i am very extraverted and my life is not dull but I have zero interest in forming close bonds with these people. It’s not interesting to me. I have few close friends. That’s more than enough.
I don’t understand how you can be a psychopath and have all these interests in other people and their personal information. I am certainly not a psychopath but I have no interest in most people I encounter. I wish them well but they don’t interest me. Only few do. So I am not getting it. I guess on a deep level I don’t understand your issue.
PS none of it means I don’t care for people, I care for people for a living too and so on. I am just not getting too close to too many people.
You are raising good questions so if you share all this with good therapist it might get you somewhere. You have a good insight in your own nature