My blunt assessment after reading your post is that no one is more unforgiving of your smoking than you.

I'm an alcoholic/addict with twenty-seven years clean and sober. I also smoked an average of three packs a day for forty years. In twelve days I'll have a year nicotine free. Why didn't I quit sooner? Because I didn't want to. That is not to say I didn't want to want to...

I remember being in a meeting early on in sobriety and listened to a woman say, "Well, I've got a year sober now so I guess it's time to give up cigarettes." I had a visceral reaction to her statement. I figured that if I ever got a year sober, that it was all a gift - that I'd have been dead without sobriety and so, I promised myself that I would NEVER give myself a hard time for smoking. Even if smoking stole ten years from my life down the road, I'd never have gotten down the road if I hadn't quit drugs and alcohol, so it was a win either way. And so I kept smoking.

Last year I decided I had a sincere desire to quit smoking. So I put them down. There's been a couple of tough spots and weak moments, but I haven't had to pick up and it's gotten easier. I guess my advice would be this: Quit when you would, not when you should.