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I so feel for you, Folding. I wish I could offer some magic words, or even share a positive experience that came from the type of situation your facing.
I had just started seeing my therapist last year, saw her for about six weeks, and she caught pneumonia. She was out for 4 months. I knew she was terribly ill and I was truly concerned about her. I was also deeply worried about myself, too. While she was away I had a terribly rough go of it and ended up in a miserable IP.
In January she returned and therapy has been consistent. Just this month we've gone to twice/week with a plan of doing the 2 per week for a couple of months. Last week I felt so safe, really stable and good. Ready to work intensively on issues and find new coping skills. Hopeful and optimistic for the first time in so long, I can't even recall.
Then her receptionist called today 3 hours before my appt. and told me that my t. has gone home sick. My day went to ****. All the safety I felt? Gone. Furthermore, I keep wondering if she's "testing" me to see how I react, etc.
Tonight I'm seriously thinking that maybe therapy isn't a good idea if I react this strongly to her sudden absence. I feel like my trust has been broken again, like always, as it is with everyone.
Forgive me for going on. What I'm trying to say is...I completely support how you feel. I would also feel betrayed, just as you do. Maybe I'm all off, but it seems I dunno...dishonest or something when a therapist leads a client to trust, to believe, then the client gets that safety yanked away.
I'm wondering what your therapy schedule is for the rest of this month? Will you still be doing 2 sessions per week for the remaining three weeks of August? Is there a part of you that just wants to walk away, or not?
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