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sarahsweets · Aug 06, 2019 at 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Hey sarah! I bolded what you wrote because I've experienced this same thing. But I don't know what those 'distress call vibes' look like for me yet.

I think I used to send out 'self distress vibes' of low self esteem, low self worth with men I met. Like, I would let them walk all over my boundaries. I would know they were lying to me and do nothing. Now? I am quick to set up boundaries with men. And, if those boundaries push away the wrong guys, great! I am still empathetic with men who are going through tough times, but now I won't give myself over to these men 24/7 like I used to. I've learned to put myself first. I'm still lonely. Still meeting narcs and really self absorbed men, who I'll go on a few dates with (as my threads here show) but now at least I draw the line and don't back down when they cross it.

The pattern I fall/fell into is I respond with my emotional support with the more praise the guy gives me. That is such a toxic, dysfunctional pattern though. Because I give and give, he takes and takes and gives me nothing in return. What the narcs need to realize is that you NEED to learn to love yourself instead of using people as your source of validation and love.

Everyone has their own path to follow. Everyone has their own mistakes to make and learn from. It's not the empath/sensitive person's responsibility to do that for others. It just isn't. And this is what annoys me to no end, about the men I've met. It's no one's job to fix you; just your job and your job alone. Why is that so hard for some men to accept? They rebound with me thinking I'll fulfill their void when really all I am, is a warm body to land on temporarily until they have sucked the life out of me and go on to their next source. I am not in the men-rehab business. The only thing I like to fix, is my hair and makeup.

They just want to use me for emotional support. They could care less about me as a whole person. They have so little love for themselves, they expect me to be their source. Um, no thanks! Where is the man for me, who is his own source of self-love? His own inner strength? His own accountability to himself, instead of projecting and blaming and deflecting it all on to me?

Where is that guy! I'm still waiting to meet him.

Honestly Blanche I wish I had never written that or written it differently. That was written when I had been a member for only one month and I was still learning the ways of the forum and not being as sensitive as I normally am. I know that what I have is rare and that I am lucky. I do not believe people project vibes that make them undesirable necessarily although I do think actions have a lot to do with it and also what one says. I do agree that sometimes I felt like I had victim stamped on my forehead and was easy prey. But I learned the hard way not to allow past victimizers to haunt me by making me prey to other predators. But I had to go to the depths of despair through alcoholism in order to build myself back up enough to take back my pain and my identity and my soul and make it mine again. And keep it for myself and not allow narcissist’s or other assholes to abuse me. It’s not that easy for a lot of people and I wish I had written with more compassion. I hope I didn’t hurt or offend you.