I have long believed that I am only responsible for my own behavior. Recently however, I've realized something that has given me pause and I haven't been able to reconcile it. Professionals cross, or attempt to cross boundaries with me regularly. In fact, this has been so pervasive in my life that at fifty-four years old, it's only been brought to light because my therapist of four years has never crossed a boundary and it's such a unique relationship that it brought attention to the others.

I've had inappropriate relationships with teachers as early as elementary schools. I moved in with a school nurse in high school with whom I was involved in a relationship. I have had a lifelong tendency to become my therapist's therapist, money lender to my landlords, peer with my doctors, confidante of my social workers – pretty much any professional I've had an ongoing relationship with. And it doesn't take long, usually it's a matter of weeks in many cases – months in others.

So, it's not my job to police them, or try to control their behavior – it's theirs. I suppose I could shut them down, or behave in an inauthentic way which would make crossing the boundary less appealing for them, but that feels like I'm playing puppet master and being manipulative. I don't want the job, but they aren't doing theirs. So, if I don't want to end up in these situations any longer, what's the solution?

Fact is, I can refrain from lending my landlord money, for instance – but if he or she asks, the boundary has already been crossed. On the other hand, I can be less friendly, less helpful, less kind...whatever, and it might never get to that point. Becoming more standoffish might prevent these situations but as I said, it feels horribly inauthentic. Thoughts? Suggestions?