It is great to see you again yagr!
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Fact is, I can refrain from lending my landlord money, for instance – but if he or she asks, the boundary has already been crossed.
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This is where I think perhaps you might want to consider changing your approach.
If someone invades, in my view the appropriate response is not to concede that the boundary is violated, but rather to
resist the violation and try to reestablish the boundary.
Look at it this way:
Landlord asks tenant to lend money:
Landlord violates a boundary
Tenant actually lends the money:
Tenant violate a boundary
In other words: you cannot control that others violate a boundary. However, you can control whether you yourself violate that boundary.
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it's only been brought to light because my therapist of four years has never crossed a boundary and it's such a unique relationship that it brought attention to the others
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This is a great, wonderful gift that your therapist has given you.
Awareness.
Awareness, awareness, awareness!
Now that you are aware of boundary issues, my suggestion is to notice--just notice, without judging yourself or anyone else--when a boundary issue comes up or a boundary is crossed.
"There it is again."
I myself find this approach to be helpful, in time, in bringing my mind--more or less on its own if you will--to start to change what I think needs to be changed.