I am sorry you are struggling so much (((Twinmama))). Often a person gets into a bad relationship not seeing the toxic right away simply because that person's normal is living with some kind of toxic. Unfortunately, the person will even feel uncomfortable with "healthy" too, that's because their history is existing with "unhealthy" and that's the skills they know how to use, surviving in unhealthy. If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, you are used to being invisible and living your life around that parent and his/her disease. Now you are in a relationship where your partner doesn't see you any other way but taking their emotional issues out on you. My guess is you are probably dependent too. And you are probably held hostage because you can't see how you can walk away and be on your own.

It's important that you reach out for help, find a group that can help you work on figuring out how to break free from this trap you are in, people who can counter all the bad messages you are getting that keep you down and helpless. You are only 24 years old and you feel like you are carrying a heavy load because YOU ARE and you don't have the skills to handle all these toxic people you have around you. You need help with all that is weighing you down, a therapist, a support group, explore going to ALCOA meetings where you can meet others that can relate and advise you with places you can get more help.