I'm in mixed state right now so this text could be a bit weird... maybe a bit more...

I hate myself. I'm mentally ill. I definitely didn't deserve it, I don't drink alcohol, don't smoke, don't take drugs... Or maybe I did deserve it because I did something very bad before...

I shouldn't go to the psychiatrist. I should just pretend everything is okay like I did until now, it would be better for me and for the people around me... And it just can't be true. I was never problematic child, I never had serious problems, my life was always great. I can't be bipolar. Maybe I'm weak and spoilt child. Maybe I'm faking it to be more cool.

I'm not really sure what I wanted to say. I just hate myself.