Cheryl27, do you ever journal? It might help to get some of your feelings and thoughts about your former T down on paper (or on the computer screen if you opt to journal electronically). I've found when I'm anxious about talking about something with T that it helps to get some of it out and organized before tackling it with another person. There's been a few times though where I've just been like, "There's something I need to talk about and I don't know where to start." And then T has prompted me and I was able to talk through it. Although sometimes it takes several sessions. Try not to fear her thinking you are accusing the whole clinic (she also works for the clinic right?) just tell her that your feelings are regarding your former T and former T alone.


Great job on the giving up alcohol. Well done! That's great! I've never had a drinking problem myself but I have a SH problem and I know how painfully hard it is to give that up so I can relate to you in that way. Its awesome that you have found some other hobbies and interests. I think you go to cooking class and stuff right? Is that something you enjoy? I think you are right. It will be very helpful to find out the why behind it all, why you needed to numb the pain. I'm like that too. I numb myself so I don't feel.

One thing my T suggested which I thought was a little "woo woo" at the time but I did try it and found it helpful: she said to draw mandalas and then look for patterns. I drew a few and dang it, I did see patterns in it, related to sadness. Lots of tears etc. I don't know if that is something that might help you but it did help me to see a pattern develop and then look at it with her (not the actual drawings because they sucked, but the pattern). If you find your emotions are all over the place, it might help to see patterns in them where before they seem all over the place. I'm not sure that makes sense. I'm not at my best today.


I'm glad you have a good therapist. I appreciate mine, both former and current. They have both been good for me. I think a good therapist can do a lot of good things for a person. I'm glad so far yours has been there for you. I hope she is able to continue to be there for you and also that she will help you through the emotions and thoughts you have about your former T. Keep writing here if it is helpful to you. There's people reading and listening and supporting you. HUGS Kit