Personally with no core beliefs. Socially with no social skills to build friendships or romantic relationships. Professionally with no job. I feel completely lost and abandoned. I don't know what to do. I don't know for sure how I got here. I know many people, including my parents and siblings think I am lazy and don't want to take responsibility and do the hard work, but I have lost hope. I cannot see any light in my life. Everything is bleak. Others expect me to change. Read. Do things. To be hopeful. To be positive. How? During my graduate school I was staying up most nights until 3 or 4 am in the morning studying and working on my theses. Then, things took a wrong turn at the end of my studies. Since then I have lost my self-esteem. I have started to believe I am no one. That I am worthless. Incompetent ... etc It coincided with losing my faith I was relying on during my hard times. It was a life shattering experience, literally. I remember I returned to my faith even though I no longer fully believed because I couldn't handle the emotional and psychological shock. Eventually, I couldn't live in contradiction between the harsh reality and the beautiful lies. I resisted at first. But eventually the intellect triumphed over faith. Then my view of the world started to change. My view of people started to change. My view of the past started to change. I was part of solving problems, then I started to be the problem. Now, I am not sure how to gain my life back. To be in control when you have to be confident and strong to start living in the first place in this world. To influence others. To make strong impressions. To land a job ... etc. In my weak emotional and mental state everything is failing and all I receive when I try is rejection and alienation